Dear Couples,

Welcome to Your Couples Resources Page!

This space is here to support you both during and between our sessions. You’ll find reflections, guidance, and gentle reminders to help you navigate communication, connection, and any challenges you might face together. Feel free to use these resources whenever you need a little extra support along the way. 

Warmly,

Liz

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Navigating the Tough Moments in Couples Therapy

12/20/25

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Couples therapy can feel relieving at times—and at other times confusing, tender, or slower than you expected. If things feel harder right now, it doesn’t mean something is wrong or that you’re failing at therapy.

Often, it means we’re slowing down enough to notice what’s really happening.

Why things can feel harder at first

In our work together, we slow conversations down and begin naming patterns—how conflict escalates, how distance shows up, and how each of you protects yourselves when things feel unsafe. These patterns often developed for good reasons. They helped you survive stress, pain, or disconnection in the past.

When we start to notice them in real time, things can feel more exposed. You might feel:

• More emotional than usual

• More aware of hurt, fear, or longing

• Less certain about how to talk to each other

• Raw or unsettled after sessions

This isn’t regression. It’s awareness.

Insight alone doesn’t create change. Change happens through new emotional experiences—moments of safety, responsiveness, and repair that build over time.

When one or both of you feels “triggered”

You may notice moments when conversations suddenly feel overwhelming or spiral faster than expected. In those moments, it can be helpful to use simple, shared language rather than pushing forward.

A phrase I often encourage couples to try is:

“I’m getting triggered.”

This isn’t an accusation or a conclusion. It’s information. It means:

• Something feels overwhelming right now

• My nervous system is activated

• I need a pause before I can stay present and responsive

Using this phrase is a way of protecting the relationship, not avoiding the issue. It allows you to stop before things escalate further and return to the conversation later, when there’s more capacity.

If you hear your partner say this, the most helpful response is often to pause, lower intensity, and remember that this moment is about regulation—not winning, fixing, or being right.

It can also be helpful to name how much time you need. For example, you might say, “Can we pause for about five minutes?” or “I need a 10-minute break to gather myself.” This way, both of you know what to expect, and it makes it easier to come back together with a clearer sense of timing.

Between sessions

It’s common for things to continue processing after a session. You might replay parts of the conversation, feel closer for a while and then more distant, or notice emotions surfacing later.

If this happens, see if you can:

• Pause rather than resolve everything immediately

• Name (even silently) what you’re feeling underneath the reaction

• Remind yourself that you don’t have to figure this out all at once

Small moments of slowing down matter.

A gentle reminder

Couples therapy is not a straight line. Feeling unsettled at times doesn’t mean the work isn’t helping—it often means something meaningful is shifting.

You don’t need to be calm, aligned, or completely sure of yourself or your next steps to do this work well. You are allowed to arrive frustrated, unsure, or disconnected. Sometimes it’s in moving through those messy places that we find our way to deeper connection.

We’ll keep orienting toward understanding the pattern, building safety, and creating moments of connection—together.

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